Fox's Adventure to Fulfill Nothing!
by Gooey
Summary: Oh ya? Yes, indeed. The title makes lots of sense. Fox does stuff. Evil stuff. Ha ha. How creative. Will this thus crisis enduth? For though, thy have betrayed thee! And so on.
1. The Morning Buzz

**Fox's Adventure to Fulfill Nothing!**

**Chapter 1**

One day, Falco was walking in the Smash Mansion's giant garden.

"Ah… A fine, peaceful day and nothing to spoil it!" Falco said, inhaling loudly.

Fox fell on Falco.

"It's a good thing that this bouncy mat was here to support my 19 storey fall!" Fox said, looking at Falco.

"I'm not… a mat…" Falco managed, struggling under Fox's sheer weight.

"Hey, are you talking?" Fox asked Falco amazed.

"So what? I could always talk," Falco said.

"AAAGH! Talking mat!" Fox screamed, hitting Falco.

"Ow! Why are you even here!?" Falco screamed, struggling.

"Oh, um… Samus pushed me out of the 19th floor of the building!" Fox said.

"I never knew we had a 19th storey…" Falco said suspiciously.

"Of course I wasn't trying to kiss Mewtwo! Um… I mean… er… " Fox said, thinking of something to say. "Hey, why am I talking to you anyway? I'm so stupid. Talking to a mat."

"I'M NOT A MAT!" Falco screamed, struggling still.

"Oh, I get it now! You're one of those life-sized-talking-Falco-plush-toys!" Fox said, smiling. "Why do they sell those things anyway? Everyone knows that Fox is much better."

"I'm not a life-sized-talking-Falco-plush-toys! I _am _Falco!" Falco exclaimed.

"Hey! They gave Falco's doll more phrases than mine!" Fox said, pulling out a life-sized-talking-Fox-plush-toy.

"_Hey! I'm Fox! Falco's better, though. Even Slippy owns me!_" the doll said.

"But I thought I was popular!" Fox whined.

"_You suck_," said the doll.

"Why does the doll hate me?" Fox sulked.

"Can you please get off me? You're really fat - um… heavy…" Falco said, struggling still.

"Waah! The plush doll called me fat!" Fox whined, crying.

"I'm not a plush doll! I'm Falco!" Falco screamed.

"So you aren't a doll? Waah! My best friend called me fat!" Fox cried, sulking.

"Why aren't you trying to get off me? It's so annoying!" Falco said, flailing his arms.

"Well, at least my doll loves me!" Fox said, squeezing the toy.

"Slippy!" Slippy said, jumping out of the toy.

"Slippy? What are you doing here?" Falco asked.

"Some person in an orange suit who looked like a robot knocked me out, and I woke up in here," Slippy said.

"Well, could you get me from under Fox?" Falco asked.

"No, Fox is too fat!" Slippy protested.

"Waah! My froggy friend called me fat!" Fox wailed.

"That's a wrap!" Samus said, appearing with a camera in a bush.

"AAAAGH! HOMICIDAL MANIAC!" Slippy screamed, crawling in between Fox and Falco.

"You were filming me the whole time?" Fox gasped.

"Yep; the only reason we did that was to get you crying on tape!" Samus laughed.

"Who's 'we?' Falco…!?" screamed Fox.

"I didn't do anything! Slippy! Get _off _me!" Falco screamed.

"Well, Fox, not only is it that Falco was helping, but all of the _Smashers _were helping! You see, Mewtwo lured you into my trap, and I pushed you out the 19th floor!" Samus said.

"What about the other Smashers?" Slippy asked.

"They helped with the laugh-track!" Samus said. "Actually, Peach and Jigglypuff are putting bombs in all the rooms… which isn't very helpful…" she muttered, again.

"Now, Samus, can you get me outta here? I only agreed to stop my walking for 5 minutes," Falco said.

Samus took off her helmet and kissed Falco.

"Ewww…" Falco said in disgust. "Why did you have to do that?"

"I'm just going to leave you there for now!" Samus said, smiling. "See you, Falco!"

"Help! Help!" Falco screamed.

Fox stood up.

"I will kill you all!" he screamed. "Even you, _Falco_."

Fox walked off angrily.

"Okay, you can stand up now, Slippy," Falco said.

"No can do, Bird Beak! I have this childish fear of everything! Except for you!" Slippy said.

"Oh, bother," said Falco.

* * *

Fox sat in his room, throwing a temper tantrum. 

"Everyone hates me! Even though they all _suck_!" Fox sulked, kicking a wall.

The wall collapsed.

"AAAGH!" Peach screamed, being next door with the wall broken.

"Relax, it's only me, Fox!" Fox said, smiling.

"Don't look at me while I'm eating pasta!" Peach said.

"You _aren't_ eating pasta, though," Fox said.

"Right, that," Peach said.

"You and Jigglypuff didn't get involved in that video recording incident, did you?" Fox asked.

"Nope, we were doing – um… other things," said Peach, as Fox's microwave exploded.

"Well, would you like to help me get back at all the other Smashers?" Fox asked.

"No, thanks, we have our own 'getting back' to do," Peach said.

"I never knew you had _any _hatred in you. Could you explain what getting back you're doing?" Fox asked.

"Okay… it started like this…" said Peach.

**--Start Flashback--**

"Hey, Yoshi, can I buy some soap?" Peach asked.

"Yoshi hup yoshi yoshi ararararara!" Yoshi said. "_Last time you did that, you made the air conditioners spat out bubbles! _"

"How dare you insult me like that? Now, Jiggy and I will have to slowly destroy the Smash Mansion!" Peach said, crying. "Right, Jigs?"

"Jiggly iggly puff!" Jigglypuff said. "_Let's blow up stuff!_"

**--End Flashback--**

"I see now," said Fox. "You see, I always know how it feels when things like that happen."

"Yay!" Peach said, hugging Fox.

"Okay, thanks Peach. You're now officially my friend!" Fox said, adding Peach to his 'friends list' on his website.

"Yay!" said Peach.

"Peach, you can stop hugging me now," Fox said.

"Yay!" said Peach.

"Um… Peach? That's starting to get a little annoying…"

"Yay!" said Peach.

Jigglypuff started to hug Fox.

"Oh no…" Fox muttered.

* * *

"Too bad you weren't there," Samus said, laughing. "It was awesome!" 

"Well, at least we don't feel left out now that we helped with the laugh track for the edited version!" Luigi laughed.

Luigi got hit by a two-tonne-truck driven by Jigglypuff.

"Let's party!" said Mario.

They did.

"Now what?" Bowser asked.

Silence.

"Tomorrow's 'Bring Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend to the Mansion Day!'" Master Hand screamed, running into the room.

Everyone stared at Master Hand.

"It doesn't say that on the giant calendar!" Ness said.

"Not anymore!" said Master Hand, scribbling something on the next day's date. "You see, I want to have some fun! Hahahahaha!"

"Are you Crazy Hand with English lessons? It sure sounds like it!" G&W said.

"I'm not CRaZSeE HAMND!" said 'Master Hand,' running out of the room.

"What just happened!?" Master Hand asked, running into the room.

"_I know! You have a split personality! You need a doctor_," Mewtwo said, using his telekinetic powers.

"Yeah! I know a really good doctor as well!" Kirby said.

"What in the world are you talking about!?" Master Hand asked.

"You just ran into the room a few seconds ago, remember?" Mario asked.

"No I didn't! You've all gone crazy! You're insane!" Master Hand shouted.

"I think that _you're _the one who's insane," said Marth.

"Nice one, Marth!" everybody laughed.

"Heh, I'm more popular than Fox now!" Marth said. "Wait, I always was."

Everyone thought about that.

"Well, Master Hand, I'm booking an appointment!" Kirby said, dialling a number on the phone.

"But – that's just… you're all going to _die_!" Master Hand exclaimed, storming off.

* * *

"Did you hit Luigi with a car again?" Peach asked. 

"Jig!" said Jigglypuff. "_Yep!_"

"Hey, I just pranked Master Hand!" Fox said, running into the room.

"What did you do with that twenty bucks I gave you?" Peach asked.

"Um… Well, I didn't give it to Crazy Hand to act like Master Hand…" Fox said, smiling guiltily.

"Oh, well, I thought you also would've bought some stuff from the local joke shop!" Peach said. "Well, can I have that money back?"

"Er… Sure!" Fox said, handing Peach a Monopoly bank note.

"Yay! Now we can buy more explosives!" Peach said.

Peach and Jigglypuff ran off.

"Phew! That was close!" Fox said, leaning into the wall.

The wall broke, and he fell through 5 floors and onto Bowser's back.


	2. Tea Party!

**Fox's Adventure to Fulfill Nothing**

**Chapter 2**

"Roy! Wake up!" Marth called.

It was 3:00 AM, and everyone was asleep.

"What? Already?" Roy said, opening his eyes.

"I gave you an extra hour!" Marth said, smacking his forehead. "Well, let's get this over and done with."

The two walked downstairs, trying to be as quiet as possible.

"Now you get the truck, and I'll unload it!" Marth whispered.

"Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, like, the truck is a bit recognisable…" Roy said, motioning towards the vehicle.

"Slow down there, fella! I ordered the undetectable anti-radar submarine silent truck you wanted!" Marth said.

"I'm more talking about the big 'Marth and Roy' logo on the sides," Roy said, rolling his eyes.

He hopped in the truck, and turned on the engine.

"Well, so much for 'undetectable!' This thing's noisy!" Roy said. "Anyway, where do all the other Smashers put their cars?"

"In the humongous garage, maybe?" Marth suggested.

"No, that's just stupid. Was it in Peach's room?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, I think," Marth said.

"I was joking," Roy said, blankly.

"Oh," said Marth.

* * *

Fox woke up. 

He had overheard Marth and Roy's conversation about waking up early, so being the good, non-evil person he was, he walked into Roy's room.

"Say… it seems like it's bigger than mine!" Fox gasped.

He looked at Roy's diary.

"_Dear diary,_

_Today I went to the park with Marth_," Fox read.

'I LUB MARTH' Fox scribbled in Roy's diary.

Fox chuckled.

He went to Roy's shower.

"Now, to use this food dye, you must squeeze gently, and… blah blah blah… and voila!" Fox read from an instruction manual.

Fox squeezed some blue food dye into Roy's shampoo.

"Make sure that the dye is spread evenly," Fox read, again. "Well, it isn't doing it by itself! I guess I'll add more food dye."

He did.

"Ah… perfect!" Fox said, sniffing the air.

He choked on the food dye's poisonous gas.

Fox went into Marth's room and did the same.

* * *

"I'll go put it in the garage, and you keep watch," Roy said, moving the truck. 

Time was passing fast.

It was 4:00 AM.

"I doubt anyone would be up at this time, Roy," Marth said, sighing.

"Hey, Marth!" Fox said, passing.

"Hey there, Fox!" Marth said, smiling. "Wait, Fox?"

"Is this your new 'company car?'" Fox snickered, looking at the truck.

"It's better than parking a giant spaceship in a garage," Marth said, sounding remotely witty.

"Well, I don't put my face painted badly on the sides!" Fox said.

"Oh yeah? You put a 'fox' on the side of your ship that looks more like a horse with wings!" Marth argued back.

"Stop arguing!" Roy said, in a high pitched voice. "Stop it, both of you!"

Roy started crying.

"Uh… Roy?" Fox asked.

"I'll tell you what! I hate both of you!" Roy cried.

"Waaah!" Marth wailed, having an emotional breakdown.

"Did you like my acting?" Roy asked.

"Waaah! Waaah!" Marth cried.

"Can I kick him?" Fox asked.

"NO! Marth, I was joking…" Roy said. "…Like usual…"

"I'm gonna kill you all if that's the last thing I do!" Marth screamed.

"Stop it! Both of you!" Peach said, walking in between them.

"Peach? Why are you awake?" Roy asked.

"Oh, didn't you know? Daylight savings started yesterday! Everyone's awake!" Peach said, moving her arms a lot.

"But even if it was daylight savings time, we would've woken up at 4:00!" Roy said, confused.

"Shut _up_!" Peach screamed, hitting Fox, Roy and Marth.

"Peach! Why did you do that?" Fox asked.

"Oh, whoops, sorry! Let me kiss it better!" Peach said, smiling.

Peach kissed Fox on the cheek.

"Hey! Don't I get a kiss?" Roy asked, smiling cheesily.

Peach hit Roy with a baseball-bat.

"That's a wrap!" Samus said, appearing out of a bush with a camera.

"Samus? Not you again…" Fox said, grimacing.

"I was trying to get a tape of Marth crying! Not so cool now, are you?" Samus teased.

"Waaah!" Marth cried. "Don't tell me that others were helping!"

"Actually, others _were _helping!" Samus said.

"Who?" Marth asked.

"Peach, Roy, Fox, who stumbled here by accident, and the magical wonders of daylight savings!" Samus said. "Also, Peach and Jigglypuff were putting bombs in the Smashers' rooms… which isn't very helpful…"

"But Peach is here! And Jigglypuff is eating cake!" Marth said, waving his arms.

* * *

"Jigglypuff!" Jigglypuff said. "_Yummy!_"

* * *

Samus threw a car at Marth.

"Ow! That hurt!" Peach said.

"You weren't hit by it," Samus said.

"I'm saying it for Marth! You see, he's unable to talk, being crushed under a car and all," Peach said, slightly concerned.

"Good thing I have my super-human strength!" Marth said, lifting up the car.

"You don't, though," Fox said.

Marth threw the car away.

"Oh yeah?" Marth asked.

Marth's muscles suddenly shrank.

"Right," said Marth. "Roy, why don't we take a shower?"

Everyone stared at Marth.

"In different rooms," Marth said.

* * *

"So then the magical fairy came to me and said, 'If you want to be famous, then you must believe in yourself!' So I have been doing so since that very day! And now I'm famous because I'm in the Star Fox Team!" Slippy said. 

"Are you _still_ awake?" Falco asked, still under Slippy.

"I'm nocturnal," Slippy said.

"Oh, _now _you tell me. You know what Slippy? Even though I _care _so much about your life, I think I have to get on with my own," Falco said.

"Was that sarcasm?" Slippy asked.

"Sarcasm? _What_ sarcasm? Can't you tell I'm being completely serious?" Falco asked.

"Of course you are! Do you want to come to my house for a tea party?" Slippy asked.

"If it means that you get off me, then yes," Falco said.

Slippy stood up.

"Okay! Let's go!" Slippy said.

"Wait! I had my fingers crossed! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" Falco laughed.

"Oh," said Slippy.

"What? Aren't you crying or something?" Falco asked.

"No, I built 'Emotional Resilience!'" Slippy said.

"What's that?" Falco asked.

"Oh, it's a word I found in the dictionary," said Slippy.

"That made complete sense," Falco said.

* * *

"Okay, everybody! It's time to reveal your – er…" Master hand said, looking at the calendar. "Boyfriends or girlfriends! Yes!" 

"And now it's time we take you to the conveniently placed padded cell!" Kirby said, throwing Master Hand in a padded cell.

"Yay!" everyone cheered.  
"Wait, why are we cheering?" Meta Knight asked.

Everyone shrugged.

…

Everyone started to talk.

"So who did you bring in, Yoshi?" Kirby asked.

"Yoshi yoshi yoshi hup yoshi, yoshi yoshi yoshi!" Yoshi said. "_Because I don't officially have a girlfriend, I brought this egg!_"

"Can I eat it?" Kirby asked.

Yoshi stared at Kirby.

Fox walked in.

"Hey, Fox! Who did you bring?" Ness asked.

"No-one in particular!" Fox said.

"Well, that's boring," said Mario.

Fox walked upstairs.

Samus walked in.

"_Who did you bring?_" Mewtwo asked.

"Well, my boyfriend is _in _the mansion!" Samus said.

"Oooooooh!" said everyone.

"But I thought I was your boyfriend!" Falcon cried.

"Were you _ever _my boyfriend? I don't seem to recall -" said Smaus, cut off.

"Waah! Samus hates me!" Falcon whimpered. "Well, I'm gonna kill you all!"

Falcon ran upstairs to his room.

Falco walked in.

"Hey everybody, I -" Falco said, cut off.

"Here he is!" Samus said.

"Oooooooooooooooooooh!" everyone said, pointing.

"Wait, what the -? What are you talking about?" Falco asked.

"Don't try to deny it, Falco," Luigi said.

An anvil fell on Luigi.

"Let's party!" said Mario.

They did.

"Now what?" asked Zelda.

"I'll kill you all!" Luigi screamed.

"It's okay, Luigi. I know how it feels!" Mario said.

"YOU WILL ALL DIE!" Luigi screamed again, before passing out.

"Hey, Marth and Roy, who're your girlfriends?" Peach asked.

"We didn't really have any, so we decided to bring something bigger!" Marth said. "Unload the truck, Roy!"

Roy pressed a button on a remote control.

Suddenly, a few thousand fan girls fell through the roof.

"Hey, Marth, didn't you want to kill everyone?" Samus asked.

"No, you must've misheard – must kill… Er… yeah, what I meant to say was, um…" Marth said, thinking.

"I was talking to Marth, not you, Roy," Samus said.

"But I _am _Marth!" Marth said.

"Then what's with the red hair?" Samus asked.

"What red hair? You're all crazy!" Roy said, with blue glasses on.

"I think _you're_ the ones who are crazy!" Kirby chuckled.

"Nice one, Kirby!" everybody said.

"But that was my line!" Marth said.

"Have a nice trip!" said Ness, dumping the two in Master Hand's padded cell.

"But we aren't -"

Ness closed the door.

"Who wants free chips?" Ness asked.

"Yay!" everyone cheered.


	3. Pit's Pandemonium Product Placement

**Fox's Adventure to Fulfill Nothing**

**Chapter 3**

"Power Rangers? That's so… bland…"

All of the Smashers were gathering around the TV, because an argument was going on between Falcon and Ness.

"But Power Rangers is TEH AWESOMEST THING EVAR!1" Ness protested.

"You'd rather watch a TV show with bad actors and bad _everything_ as opposed to a super-fast insane racing show!? That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard!" Falcon said.

"Well, you know, I'm actually smarter and more mature than you! You can't even get a girl!" Ness laughed.

"Have _you _ever gotten a girl?" Falcon asked.

"Uh… um… that random person from Earthbound 2?" Ness answered, laughing nervously.

"Hey, why don't we watch the news?" Fox suggested, walking in.

"Where were you, Fox?" Ness asked curiously.

"The TV station," Fox said.

"Okay…" Samus said.

Falcon changed the channel.

"Hello, and welcome to… Channel 213 News! I'm the anchor, Rick, and this is the co-anchor, Toad! Our top story today is about the show 'F-Zero Racers' being axed! Tell us more about that, Toad!" said Rick, who was on TV.

"Well, due to the unpopularity and the stupidness of the show, it's been axed! Now I'll read out these complaints from the 'F-Zero Racers' fan club!" Toad said. "Dear TV station,

Bring back the show or you will die painfully!

Yours,

Capt'n Falcon."

"Are there any more complaints?" Rick asked.

"No, in fact, Falcon is the _only _one in the fan base! Hah!" Toad laughed.

Everyone started to point at Falcon.

"Now our second story is about the actors in 'Power Rangers!' The actors for this show were caught red-handed stealing precious novelty Charlie Brown wigs! We sent our reporter 'Yellow Yoshi' to the scene," said Rick.

The screen cut to a shop with shattered glass everywhere, and it was raining.

"Yoshi yoshi yoshi yoshi hup arararara, yoshi hup yoshi yoshi hup yoshi! Yoshi yoshi yoshi hup yoshi!" said the yellow Yoshi. "_These actors have actually burgled the store, yes, and now they can't act again… can you even understand me?_"

"We were just acting!" screamed an actor, being put in a police car.

"Um… can you explain why you are talking about cheese, Yoshi?" Rick asked.

"YOSHI YOSHI YOSHI! Yoshi hup yoshi yoshi yoshi! ARARARARARARA!" the Yoshi wailed. "_I'm not talking about cheese! Anyway, the world is going to blow up soon, so I suggest you evacuate BEFORE YOU DIE!_"

"Thanks, Yoshi! That's the end of the report for now; come back later!" Rick said, smiling.

"Coming up next… Power Rangers in High Tech Cars!" said a voice.

Everyone cheered.

The program started.

"Hey, Power Ranger #2, check out these cars!" said a janitor.

"Yes, Power Ranger #1, these cars are very check!" said a lawyer.

Laugh track.

Everyone stared blankly.

"We interrupt this show for some breaking news!" said Rick, straightening some paper. "Firstly, the show, 'Power Rangers in High Tech Cars,' is soon to have a live performance at the theatre… somewhere… also… WHAT!?"

Rick started to laugh so hard that he died.

"Uh… well, a mysterious stranger has given us this package… which Rick had opened, and he laughed to death. But anyway, this package contained Roy's diary! The mysterious stranger said that Roy himself had asked him to deliver this! And read it… for whatever reason…" Toad said. "Um… the first entry. Today I went to the market because I needed dinosaur toys for Marth… he's such a sissy wimpy dork. And the next page… I LUB MARTH!"

Toad laughed and started to choke.

"Roy's got to see this!" Falcon said.

Ness took Roy out of the padded cell.

"Roy, you just gave your diary to the media! Hahahahahahahahahaha!" Ness laughed.

"But I didn't give it – I was in a cell! I didn't have any communication devices – that doesn't – but – I – " Roy said, hyper ventilating.

"Sure! Anyway, just because we're better than you doesn't mean you have to make a self-embarrassing publicity stunt!" Samus said

* * *

"It's amazing how TV can make people so inattentive. I just got out of there without anybody noticing!" Fox said. 

"Yeah, people are funny that way," Peach said, putting a salad in a dish washer.

"Um… say… could you get a chicken suit for me?" Fox asked.

"Those things are expensive!" said Peach.

"So?"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Baloogna!" Peach said.

"Jig ig iggly!" Jigglypuff said, tapping Peach's shoulder. "_I found something!_"

The two looked at Jigglypuff's computer screen, and there they saw a chicken suit being sold for 1 cent.

"Let's buy that one!" Fox said, pressing a button.

"Sorry, dumb animals may not purchase these items," said a voice through the speaker.

"Maybe I should try," said Peach, pressing a button.

"Sorry, dumb animals may not purchase these items," said a voice through the speaker.

Peach scratched her head.

"Ig jiggly!" said Jigglypuff, pressing a button.

"Would you like it sent by express?" asked the voice again.

"Yep!" Fox said, pressing a button.

A chicken suit fell through the roof.

"Now to complete my master plan of evil! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Fox laughed.

"Hee hee hee," Peach giggled.

Fox stared at Peach.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "Don't worry, I'll get cookies!"

Peach grabbed some cookies from a conveniently placed oven.

Fox shrugged, then started to eat one.

* * *

Falcon walked through the mansion. 

He passed Luigi.

"Hey, Luigi, what are you doing?" Falcon asked.

"Plotting to rule the world!" Luigi cackled.

"Well, I'm plotting to kill everyone!" Falcon said.

"Why don't we team up so we can blow up the mansion, and then I'll kill you! MWAHAHAHAHA!" Luigi laughed.

"I like it! Except for the 'killing me' part," Falcon said.

"Well, to rule the world, I'd have to kill you since you're trying to rule the world as well meaning that you're my rival but I sincerely don't want to kill you so I'd have to kill you anyway, but that would be really sad so I don't see the point of-"

Falcon punched Luigi in the face.

"MWAHAHAHA! I rule the world!" Falcon laughed.

Peach fell through the ceiling onto Falcon.

"Luckily this Captain Falcon was here to support my fall!" Peach said, chuckling.

"Peach, how'd you fall down anyway?" Fox asked from above.

"Magical happy rainbows!" Peach said.

"…Okay…" Fox said, scratching his chin.

"Get off me!" Falcon screamed, kicking.

"Isn't Falcon a cutie-wutie. Yes you are! Yess you are!!!" Peach said, wide eyed.

"Falcon isn't one of your kittens," Fox, said, pointing to a box labelled: KITENS.

"Ig jiggly?" Jigglypuff said. "_What's in there, anyway?_"

* * *

"How'd I get stuck here?" Pit said to himself, inside a box. "And why is this box filled with dead cats?" 

"_It was the evil being of death that lead you here! That person is planning to make a new Wii game called: Kid Icarus: For Wii!_" said a cat.

"What? But – that – I – Why am I talking to you anyway?" Pit asked.

"_Be aware! The Wii game will make you jump – YOURSELF!_" the cat hissed, raising its sharp claws.

"Nooo! I must stop it!" Pit said. "Wait. Who are you anyway? You're, like, a cat! Why am I talking to cats? That's just stupid!"

"_It's annoying how people ask that a lot. Well, actually, I'm dead, and the only reason I appear to be alive is because you're crazy!_" the cat said, smiling. (Like that cat in Alice in Wonder Land. He still scares me.)

"AAAAAH!" Pit screamed.

"_You'll get used to it. Now, because everyone in the mansion is making this horrific game together, we must KILL THEM ALL!_" the cat said.

"I don't know… I don't want to become one of those homicidal freaks that are already in the mansion…" Pit said. "You know, Luigi, Marth, Falcon, and-"

"_Silence, fool! Don't you realise what this means!? This game will kill everyone else due to the lack of storyline and plot!_" the cat said.

"So? I don't kill people unless I get extensive bribery! You know, I've only had to say this once," Pit said.

"_Here, have this golden ticket!_" the cat said, smiling again.

"Yay! I've got a golden ticket! I've got a golden ticket!"

"_SHUT UP ALREADY!_" the cat screamed.

"Sorry," Pit said sarcastically. "Hey, you know that Ike's gonna be in Brawl? It's like, awesome!"

"_Don't tell me that Ike's one of those randoms from Fire Emblem_," the cat said.

"It's amazing how many people hated Path of Radiance," said Pit.

"_Let's get on with the killing already, okay?_" the cat sighed.

"Killing!? What killing? I never agreed to kill! I would only kill if I had ext-"

The cat pointed to his golden ticket.

"It's not like you gave it to me!" Pit said.

"_Now I shall use my mega hypno powers!_" the cat said, staring at Pit.

Pit poked the cat in the eye.

The cat died.

"Well, that was easy," Pit said. "Hey, killing's actually quite fun!"

Pit climbed out of the box.

"ig jiggly jigglypuff!" Jigglypuff said. "_AAAH! RABID CAT MONSTER!_"

Fox started to slap Pit.

"You know, I don't think that was a monster," Peach said, still on top of the struggling Falcon.

"Yeah, but you always turn out to be wrong," Fox said.

"I'm Pit, though!" Pit shouted, slapping Fox.

"See?" Peach sneered.

"I'm sure this is an impostor who wants to kill everyone, Peach! Besides, why would a non-Pit person slap others? Only Pit does that!" Fox said.

"You're contradicting your point," said Peach.

"Ig jiggly! Jiggly jigglypuff!" Jigglypuff said. "_Yeah! Get a life!_"

Pit hit Fox with a piano.

"There! All done!" he said, triumphantly.

Everyone stared at Pit.

"I thought you all absolutely hated him!" Pit said in protest.

"True," said Peach.

They all started to disco dance.

**OH NO A CLIFFHANGER!**


	4. Really, Not Cliched

**Fox's Adventure to Fulfill Nothing**

**Chapter 4**

**A/N: **I didn't really want to portray Yoshi this way, but meh.

"Hey, Kirby, can you replace Samus' suit with this one?" Fox asked, handing Kirby a chicken suit.

"No way! That's just… stupid!" Kirby said, angrily.

Fox held up a packet of chips.

"Oooh!" Kirby said, trying to grab it.

"Only if you do what I asked," Fox said.

"Fine!" Kirby said, pouting.

"Kids these days… so dumb… heh, that 'packet' of chips was a rock!" Fox smirked.

Kirby turned around.

"Hey… is that a rock?" Kirby asked.

"No, why would it be?" Fox asked.

"Strange… for a minute there I thought you just stated your evil plan-"

Fox threw Kirby into Samus' room.

"Easy!" he said.

* * *

"Yoshi yoshi yoshi hup yoshi yoshi! Yoshi yoshi yoshi hup arararara! Yoshi yoshi yoshi!" said Yoshi. 

"You realise I can't understand you?" Link mumbled, raising an eyebrow.

Yoshi sighed.

It probably wasn't the worst thing that happened to him today… you know.

Getting hit by a truck isn't as fun as it sounds.

And the only person he has things in common with is Kirby!

So, generally speaking, Yoshi is pushed around a lot.

He walked back to his room slowly, feeling like a failure, as usual.

"Yoshi yoshi hup yoshi?" Yoshi wondered to himself. "_What if I was cool?_ _What if everyone respected me?"_

He sighed, and then slumped on his bed.

Soon he was in deep slumber, dreaming dreams of his.

_Yoshi was walking in a corridor, lined with many paintings._

_There he saw Bowser, smiling._

"_You don't need popularity or friends! Power will earn you respect!" Bowser said._

_He started to laugh._

"_Yoshi yoshi hup?" Yoshi sighed. "_Is this another one of those messed up dreams?_"_

"_Maybe… but good things will happen if you-"_

"_Yoshi hup yoshi yoshi yoshi," Yoshi said. "_If this is an ad for insurance, you can tell me now._"_

"_Remember you have no friends, Yoshi," Bowser said._

"_Yoshi hup," he said. "_True that._"_

"_You don't need friends, you don't have friends, you can't get friends… Who needs friends? Come to the dark side…"_

"I still don't get how this will influence me in real li-_"_

Yoshi woke up, and smiled in a very evil way.

* * *

Samus, for once, wasn't wearing her suit, and was standing in a room looking out the window. 

"Hey Samus," Falco said, walking into the room.

"Hey bird beak," she replied.

"You know… I don't think that filming Fox crying was such a good idea," Falco said.

"Sure it was! Now everyone's got something to laugh at whenever they aren't in a good mood," Samus said.

"Well… lately he's been doing fairly evil deeds, and he said he'd kill everyone to me," Falco said.

"So?" Samus replied.

"It's not very like Fox… you know… after you filmed that video, everyone's gained slight homicidal tendencies…" Falco said.

"No, it's just th-"

Yoshi walked through the room with a chainsaw, cackling evilly.

"On second thoughts…"

Falco coughed very loudly.

"I think that…"

Falco rolled his eyes.

"But maybe…"

Falco overdid a fake sigh.

"If almost…"

Falco tapped his foot impatiently.

Samus kissed Falco on the cheek.

Falco raised an eyebrow.

"I just wanted to say how much I lov-"

Blood splattered on the walls from the room Yoshi walked into.

Falco ran.

"Yikes. Men these days. Sissies, all of them," Samus sighed.

A giant, slightly mutated Yoshi holding a giant chainsaw crashed into the room.

"Ooh! A big scary monster to fight!" Samus said, loading her arm cannon.

She realised that she wasn't wearing her suit.

After a deep sigh, she pulled out her pistol and started firing rapidly.

Yoshi stood there, confused.

"Hah!" Samus laughed, kicking Yoshi's mutated form in the shin.

Yoshi fell on his face.

"Yay!" Ridley and the Space Pirates cheered, running into the room with celebratory cake, doing the samba.

Yoshi stood up again.

Samus started to slap him, and he fell into a remotely placed pit.

Or, to be more exact, down into Link's room.

Samus shrugged, then started to walk upstairs.

"What I don't get is how Yoshi mutated," Samus muttered.

She walked into her room, and looked through her closet.

Kirby was there, trying to figure out what Samus' suit looked like.

"Kirby?"

"AAAH!!! Please don't hurt me miss, I was just replacing your suit with this chicken suit for Fox!" Kirby pleaded.

"He thought I'd fall for that?" Samus said, slightly amused.

"Guess so," said Kirby.

Samus realised that the chicken suit that Kirby was holding had toxic waste slathered all over it.

"So that's how Yoshi mutated!" Samus realised.

"He mutated?" Kirby asked, eating some cake out of Samus' fridge.

"Ask Link!" Samus said.

* * *

Link walked up to his room with Zelda. 

When he opened the door, there he saw Yoshi, mutated, snarling.

"I'd better call my Health Insurance," said Link.  
"We cancelled that last year, remember?" Zelda said.

"Oh, right. What about my Medical Insurance?" Link asked.

"It's the same thing as Health Insurance," said Zelda.

"Oh. What about my Home Insurance?" Link asked.

"Master Hand owns the place," Zelda said.

"And my Car Insurance?" Link asked.

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE YOSHI ABOUT TO ATTACK AT ANY TIME!?" Zelda screamed, hyper-ventillating.

"So?" Link replied.

"I've had enough with you! You're so stupid, you can't even do calculus!" Zelda screamed, furious.

She ran off.

"What am I to do with this Yoshi?" Link wondered.

"Yoshi hup yoshi yoshi?" Yoshi suggested. "_Find a cure to my exposure to toxic waste?_"

"Good idea!" said Link.

Yoshi started to rev his chainsaw.

Samus fell through the ceiling and started to shoot super missiles at Yoshi.

She then jumped back up.

Link turned around, only to see Yoshi, unconscious.

"What's with Yoshi and fainting?" Link said, scratching his head.

* * *

"You really thought I'd fall for that?" Samus said, looking at Fox. 

"Why not, you're a blond, all blonds are dumb," Fox said.

Samus shot a beam at Fox.

"Girls are so sensitive these days," Fox said.

Samus shot a missile at him.

"Lucky I have this daring escape plan!" Fox said, throwing chilli gum at Samus.

The gum bounced off her visor and landed in Fox's mouth.

"AAH! The flavour! IT BURNS!" Fox screamed.

Samus shrugged.

"AAAGH! AAAGH! AAAGH!" Fox screamed, running around in circles.

Peach giggled.

"Now to use my mega ultra deluxe escape plan!" said Fox, throwing paint on Samus' helmet.

Samus took the helmet off.

"AAH!" Fox screamed, trying to throw more paint at Samus.

He realised that the bucket was empty.

Fox threw the bucket at Samus, but it missed, hit Peach, rebounded onto Jigglypuff then hit Fox in the stomach, winding him.

Fox fell out of the window placed behind him.

"That was simple," Peach said.

"Well, he's not my problem anymore!" Samus said, grinning.

* * *

"Ah, what a peaceful day, spent well in the mansion's lush garden!" Bowser said, walking through the shrubbery. 

Fox landed in front of him.

"Ganondorf, I think we have a problem," called Bowser to his friend.

"Just a second," Ganondorf said, shooting balls of darkness at the scenery.

"Ganon, what did I tell you about ruining the surroundings?" Bowser asked.

"You never told me anything!" Ganondorf said.

"Point taken," Bowser said.

"Help… me…" Fox managed, gasping for air.

"Okay!" Bowser said, picking him up and slinging him over his back.

Fox was impaled in six of Bowser's spikes.

"Bowser! If you want to be evil, you can't help people!" Ganondorf said.

"But he's an anthropomorphic fox! How can you not love him?" Bowser replied.

Ganondorf rolled his eyes.

"Meh," Bowser said, throwing Fox at a wall.

Although his body was torn apart and his skull was fractured upon impact, he survived by piecing himself together… because he's a fox.

All foxes can do that.


	5. SONIC'S IN BRAWL!

**Fox's Adventure to Fulfill Nothing**

**Chapter 5**

Link walked to Dr. Mario's room, and tapped on the door.

"Come in!" Dr. Mario said.

"Doctor, I need a cure for Yoshi's mutation," Link said.

"Yoshi's mutated!?" the doctor replied. "AAGH! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

The doctor jumped out a window.

"Hm… that wasn't helpful. Hey, what's this on his desk?" Link said, picking up Dr. Mario's diary.

"Dear diary,

Today I went to the kitchen and saw Zelda ripping up Link's spare hat out of disgust. I asked why she was – Hey! Zelda ripped up my hat! How dare she does that! Now I have to go on a homicidal rage!"

Link tore the diary in half.

"THAT'S IT!" Link screamed.

He stormed off.

"Yoshi?" the mutated dinosaur wondered.

Link stomped angrily into the kitchen room, a knife raised.

"Zelda, did you rip up my spare hat!?" Link screamed, throwing the cooking utensil at the princess.

"YES! As a matter of fact, I DID!" Zelda exclaimed. "You were so sickeningly stupid before, so I made way with my punishment! And now your ripped hat has been given to a Waddle Dee!"

"WHY!? By Farore, why did you rip up my special spare hat! It was so… cruel!" Link said.

Zelda stopped. "I'm sorry Link, I just was a bit… oversensitive… about your IQ level… maybe these cookies will help!"

Zelda grabbed a plate of cookies from the fireplace and put it on the table.

"Maybe not," Link said, cringing.

"Please?" Zelda said.

She stuffed one in Link's mouth.

"Hey… Zelda? Is it me or are these better tasting than yesterday's batch? Are you sure that's your recipie?"

Fox walked downstairs.

"Hey Fox! These cookies taste better!"

"Oh!" Fox said. "Silly me! I must've put that poison in Zelda's cooking supplies instead of Peach's! Tee hee!"

"WHAT!?" Link screamed.

"According to the bottle of the poison… you have twelve hours to live."

"TWELVE HOURS!?"

Link screamed then ran through the hallway.

* * *

Fox ran to Peach. 

"Peach! I just told Zelda about how I 'poisoned' her cooking!" Fox giggled.

"OH NO!" Peach screamed.

"That was sarcasm."

"_Sure_…"

"Well, I think I need a new joke. How about…"

"Ig jiggly!" Jigglypuff squealed. "_Sonic's in Brawl!_"

"Good idea Jigsy!" Peach said.

"Now to type up a letter!"

Fox grabbed his computer.

"Howdy Soinc,

Weclome to the Smahs Mantion!

You have been invitd to come to bee a knew Smashre!

Please come toady as soon as possilbe! Can't weigth!

Yaws,

Mastr Hadn!"

Fox printed out the sheet.

"That should do it!"

He gave the mail to a Toad for delivery.

"Heh, he should be here any minute!"

The doorbell rang, and all the Smashers ran downstairs.

"Hey there, guys! I'm Sonic, and I'm better than you!" a hedgehog chuckled, standing in the doorway.

"Sonic! What are you doing here so early?" Master Hand said.

"Oh, I was sent a badly typed letter from you, saying that I should come here immediately as a new Smasher! You see-"

"SONIC'S IN BRAWL!?" everyone gasped.

An angry mob soon killed Sonic with their pitchforks and torches.

"Hey, Master Hand! Weren't you supposed to be locked in that padded cell over there?" Ness asked.

"…" Master Hand said, attempting to smile guiltily. "Don't say anything, and I won't kill you."

"…" said Ness. "But-"

Master Hand poked Ness. In his face. Thus, he died a painful death.

"Oh no! You just killed Ness!" Marth screamed.

"Good thing he wasn't in Brawl!" Master Hand chuckled.

"He was," Marth replied.

"Oh," Master Hand said. "Good thing you aren't either!"

Master Hand poked Marth in the face.

"_But he was!_" Mewtwo said, telepathically.

"Oh," Master Hand said. "Good thing you aren't either!"

"…" Mewtwo said. "NUEZ FOILED!"

He died.

"Heh," the Hand laughed.

* * *

Peach ran up the stairs, screaming. 

"SONIC'S IN BRAWL! AAAAAGH!"

Fox stepped out of his room and tripped Peach over.

"No, silly, it was just a joke!" Fox said.

"But… Master Hand said it himself…"

"Remember, he's crazy!" Fox said. "More like, he's Crazy Hand!"

They both laughed at the joke.

"DEED SOMEONE CALL?" Crazy Hand said, floating towards them.

"No, we were just joking about your pointless existence here at the Smash Mansion."

"SURE YOU WERE!" Crazy Hand exclaimed.

He floated away.

"But seriously, Fox, SONIC'S IN BRAWL!" Peach screamed.

"Yeah, right," Fox chuckled.

"Jigglypuff, bring in the roster!" Peach called.

The Pokemon came in and held up a sheet of paper, with all the Smashers' names on it.

"No…"

"Yeah!" Peach said.

She giggled.

Fox stared.

"How could this be!?" Fox said, twitching.

"Yeah!" Peach said.

"SONIC'S IN BRAWL!?" Fox screamed.

"So am I!" said Wolf, appearing out of nowhere.

"WOLF'S IN BRAWL!?" Fox screamed.

"More like, FOX'S IN BRAWL!?" Peach screamed.

"This is the worst day ever!" Fox said, crying.

"Don't worry, Fox!" Peach said, smiling. "We'll take care of you!"

Jigglypuff threw Fox out a window.

Peach stared blankly.

"HEY! Fox just stole my 20 bucks!" Peach said, angrily.

"Ig jiggly!" Jigglypuff exclaimed.

* * *

"Hey there Yoshi!" Falco said, walking towards the overgrown dinosaur. 

"_Hi!_" the dinosaur said.

"Have you seen Samus anywhere?" Falco asked.

"Were you looking for me, darling?" Samus replied.

"Um… Samus, why the heck are you talking like that?"

Samus kissed Falco on the cheek.

"You're wearing your helmet," Falco said.

Samus thought about that.

"Anyway, why were you looking for me?"

"It's because I think you need to destroy those tapes. Everyone has gone on a homicidal rage because of them!"

"That's not true!"

Captain Falcon threw Popo's dead body out a window.

"Besides, I've already put them up on EBay! They're gonna sell for millions!"

"But that's just stupid! Why the heck would-"

Samus threw a canister filled with tear gas at Falco's eyes.

"AAAAAAGH!" he screamed. "THE STUPIDITY! IT BURNS!"

Samus took out a video camera.

"WHY COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME! WHY? WHY? WHY ME!?" Falco screamed.

Falco rolled on the ground in pain.

"AAAGH! DO A BARREL ROLL! I'VE BEEN SAVED BY FOX! YOUR CARCASS IS MINE!" Falco screamed.

"Okay! That's a wrap!" Samus said.

"YOU WERE FILMING ME!? AAAAGH!" Falco screamed.

"Nope, I'm _still _filming you, dummy!"

Falco stood up and shot a laser from his blaster into Samus' leg.

"Agh! The pain! The agony!" Samus screamed.

"Samus! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to-"

Samus stopped recording.

"That was awesome!"

Falco stared blankly.

* * *

"Link? Linky?" 

Zelda walked into the Hylian's room.

"You know that thing with the 'twelve hours to live?' Well, I was here to-"

Zelda saw Link on his bed, dead from the poison.

"NOOOOOOOO! Why me!?" Zelda screamed.

She started crying, as Samus silently recorded her on tape.

"WAAAH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Zelda screamed.

She stabbed herself, and died instantly.

Samus shrugged.

A few minutes later, Link woke up.

"Hey there Samus, do you know where Zelda is?"

"Oh, she killed herself because you were dead, because she felt guilty of everything."

"Oh, so-" Link stared at the dead body. "NOOOOOOO!"

"Tee hee," Samus giggled.

"I'm gonna kill you all for what you've done! Including you, SAMUS!" Link said, holding up a knife.

"Okay, you can leave now."

"_Sure_…" Link sneered, walking out.

A scream was heard behind Samus.

"Hey! Samus! No feeding off my pranks!" Fox screamed, walking into the room.

"Good thing Link's going to die, then," Samus chuckled.

"There wasn't really any poison there," Link said.

"Oh," Samus replied.

Silence.

"So… how's your cat?" Fox asked.

"Quite swell," Samus replied.

Silence.


	6. SONIC'S DEAD!

**Fox's Adventure to Fulfil Nothing**

**Chapter 6**

Samus Aran, bounty hunter, looked through the tapes she recorded of the Smashers. She played the tapes over and over, looking at every detail.

There was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?"

"Falco."

The door opened.

"Hey there bird-beak! How's everything been lately?"

"Let's see…" Falco said, thinking. "Everybody's been running amok and trying to kill everybody because _somebody _caught them doing stupid stuff on tape!"

"So?"

Falco buried his head in his palm. "Maybe you should stop."

"True… everyone has been trying to kill everyone else… it's all so chaotic…" Samus took a breath.

"Just the way I like it!"

Falco stared blankly, when suddenly the loudspeaker rang with the words of Master Hand.

"Attention everybody! A new Smasher has arrived!"

"I guess we'd better go down," Samus said.

Falco was still staring blankly.

"Falco?"

The bird stood there.

"Hm…"

Samus noticed the poisoned dart sticking into Falco's back.

* * *

"I wonder who the new Smasher is…" Fox pondered, playing with a Rubik's Cube.

"Same here," said Popo. "I wonder who Master Hand _hasn't _selected to clone."

Silence.

"What?"

"I'm not acknowledging the fact that you exist because you're shorter than me!"

Jigglypuff walked by.

"Hey there Jigs! Blown up anybody recently?"

Popo exploded.

…

Master Hand floated to the door of the mansion. "Attention every-"

"You say that word a lot," Fox pointed out.

"You know what I also do a lot?"

"What?" Fox asked.

"I KICK PEOPLE OUT OF THE MANSION!" he laughed hysterically.

"Really? You haven't actually done anything like that yet. You haven't even introduced any new Smashers!"

"…" Master Hand said. "Roy, you've been cut from Brawl!"

He threw Marth out of a window.

"Anybody else going to challenge my authority?"

Silence.

"Good. Now as I was saying, a new smasher has been accepted in to our fun-filled activity group!" Master Hand cleared his non-existent throat. "Introducing… WOLF!"

Fox gasped.

"You can't do this to me, Master Hand! You're introducing my worst enemy to the mansion! Do you know what chaos this could cause!?"

"Everyone in the Smash Mansion hates you. You know that, right?"

…

"Well…"

Master Hand opened the door.

Everyone gasped.

"Wow… he's so… awesome!" Nana said.

"He's so cool! I want to be just like him!" Lucas said.

"Sorry, Lucas, we've already cloned half of Ness' moveset just for you!"

Lucas cried.

"Wait a second…" said Pokemon Trainer. "Didn't Fox just point out that no-one had been introduced to the Smash Mansion ye-"

Ganondorf kicked Pokemon trainer in the eye.

"AAAGH!" he cried.

"Tee hee," Ganondorf laughed. "Kids."

Wolf soon walked past Fox, with Nana eagerly following him around.

"Hey there, bud-"

"Don't you buddy me!" Fox said, pulling out his blaster. "I know full well that you're really here to kill me, or even worse, make me rejoin Star Fox!"

* * *

"Do a barrel roll!" said Peppy, flying in his arwing.

Nobody replied.

"Press Z or R twice!"

Silence.

"Try a somersault!"

…

Peppy pressed the self-destruct button.

* * *

"Fox! It's not like that! You see-"

Fox shot a laser at Wolf, who didn't even flinch.

"That's depressingly weak, Fox. I thought Slippy gave you state-of-the-art technology."

"See!?" Fox screamed. "You _are_ here to kill me! You're already criticising me!"

"Fox… we're only enemies out on the battlefield in our Arwings. I'm not here to kill you. Only to have fun battling people!" Wolf said.

"Yeah, sure! I bet you stole one of our Landmasters just for your silly little final smash!"

"Actually…"

"Oh yeah," Master Hand announced on his microphone. "His final smash is a Landmaster… except it's better than Fox's!"

"Um…" Wolf said.

Fox ran off crying.

* * *

Wolf walked into his room and unpacked his suitcase.

"Hi there… Mr. Wolf…" Nana, who had followed Wolf there, said.

"Um… what are you doing in my room?"

"You're so awesome…"

"Oh right… you're that Popo guy who has that worthless companion who can't fight for herself, right?" Wolf said. "I've heard stories that she's completely useless unless she's used as a dummy for your body when you have a colour change."

Nana broke into tears.

"Um… why are you crying?"

"I _am_ Nana," she croaked.

"Oh. Hee hee. You suck."

Wolf closed the door on her.

* * *

"This is outrageous! How can Master Hand expect to allow my enemy into the roster and get away with it!?"

"But he's so awesome! And hot!"

"Ig jig jiggly iggly jig!" Jigglypuff exclaimed. "_And he says 'um' a lot!_"

"He's still up to no good, that Wolf."

Fox walked out of the room and into Falco's.

"Hey there, Falco, my bird buddy!"

Falco did not respond.

"You seem rather silent today."

No answer.

"Can I borrow your katana?"

The bird fell over.

"Okay!"

Fox took Falco's ruler and walked out of the room just as Samus went in.

"Bird beak! Snap out of it!"

Falco lay there.

Samus, yet again, noticed the poisoned dart in Falco's back.

"Oh my- Falco!"

She ran to Master Hand's office.

"Master Hand! It's Falco! I think he's… dead!"

"Don't worry, Samus!" Master Hand said, picking up a book of witty comebacks. "So's yo mamma!"

Samus stared blankly. "Um… as I was saying… Falco's… dead…"

"You know what else is dead?" Master Hand sniggered.

"What?"

"This cat!" Master Hand said, throwing a dead cat at Samus.

"You're right! It is dead!"

Samus went back to Falco's room, then ran back to Master Hand.

"Master Hand, Falco's dead!"

"Um… What do you expect me to do about it?"

"Oh," Samus sighed.

She ran back to Falco's room.

"Oh Falco! Why did this have to happen to me – um… you?" she wailed. "We never had time to do all the things we wanted to do, like playing baseball and going to Antartica."

"HA!" Falco exclaimed. "You fell for it!"

He cackled evilly.

"Falco! You're really alive!" Samus sighed with relief.

"And you went crying over me when it was all a stupid little prank set up by us! And Luigi was recording it all!"

Luigi stepped out of Falco's closet.

"Us? Who's us?" Samus asked.

"Everybody in the Mansion! _They helped with the laugh track!_"

"Why, Falco? You could've just told me to stop!"

"Um… I did… a lot…" Falco said. "And you didn't budge."

"But why did you even need to do this? It was so unnecessary!"

"So we had something to laugh at when we're bored. HA HA!"

Falco ran off with the tape, laughing maniacally.

"Um…" Samus said.

* * *

Wolf was still unpacking his bag when Sonic walked into his room.

"Hey, I heard you're the new guy at the Smash Mansion!" he said, chuckling.

"Yeah, that's me!" Wolf said.

"Well, I'm just here to tell you that I'm better than you and that there's no way you're ever going to beat me in a Brawl!"

…

Wolf punched Sonic in the face.

"C'mon! Step it up!"

Wolf punched Sonic in the face again.

"C'mon! Step it up!"

Wolf threw Sonic out of a window. He walked over to the window sill to watch Sonic fall onto the rose bush a few stories below.

"Ouch!" Sonic said, as he stood up and brushed himself off. "I guess I'll have to go back to telling people that I'm better than them!"

The hedgehog ran to Jigglypuff's room. "You're too slow!" he exclaimed.

"JIGGLY!" Jigglpuff screamed, chasing Sonic around.

Jigglypuff realised that she was running at about one tenth of the speed Sonic was. After running a few metres, she stopped to catch her breath.

"Jiggly ig jig puff!" the puffball shouted. "_Peach! Help me!_"

The mushroom princess skipped happily to Jigglypuff's room. "What's wrong, Jigsy?"

"_Sonic's running around my room and saying that I'm too slow!_" Jigglypuff cried.

"Don't worry! I'll catch him for you!"

Peach started to chase Sonic around, but after running a few feet, collapsed out of exhaustion. "Oh no!" the princess cried. "I can't catch him! What are we to do!?"

"I'll save you!" Snake said heroically, revealing himself from under a box.

"Wow! It's Solid Snake!" Peach cried.

Sonic was still running around the room in circles. "I know what will stop that crazy Sonic!" Snake said.

Snake walked in front of the hedgehog and, as he ran by, caught him by the neck, as Peach and Jigglypuff _gasped in amazement at the awesomeness of Snake_. "Ha ha, hedgehog! Think you could run around in circles and get away with it!?" Snake laughed evilly.

Sonic, because he was choking, did not respond.

"Take this!" Snake stabbed Sonic with a pitchfork. "And this!" Snake stuffed a grenade down Sonic's throat. "And this!" Snake threw a keyboard at Sonic. "And this!" Snake hit Sonic across the face with a penguin. "And this!" Snake started to choke Sonic with Ness' yo-yo. "And this!" Snake hit Sonic with a home-run bat.

As the blue hedgehog flew into the sky and exploded, Peach and Jigglypuff stared in awe.

"Wow, Snake! You're so _AWESOME_!"

"I know!" Snake said. "It's because I'm better than you!"

Peach and Jigglpuff clapped as Snake magically flew into the sky. _Magically_.


End file.
